So You're Getting a New Puppy?

Mad Dog Mattis

My wonderful wife, brought home a beautiful puppy for me last week. You would think that after raising Katniss just a couple of years ago that I would have remembered what a pain in the keaster a puppy could be.

As always here are my lessons re-learned the hard way.

Find out what kind of dog food he's been eating. Even if it's the $50 a bag, organic, vegan, non-GMO, free ranged, dolphin free whatever it's worth continuing that feed as you transition to your preferred brand. Better that than swapping whole cloth and the projectile diarrhea that can go with it. Ask me how I know. (We have pictures. Looks like Jason Pollack decided to pain with only browns on a tile floor.)

We were able to get him pooping solid again with a simple 1/3 chicken broth, 2/3 dog food for a couple meals.

Kennel training should never commence on a work night. If you don't want to kill yourself and a small family of 8 illegal Hondurans on their way to pick strawberries. You won't sleep a wink. Your wife will hate you. Again. Ask. Me. How. I. Know.

Get to know quickly the difference between the whine that means I miss you, and the whine that means I'm about to go Jason Pollack on your comforter. It's an important distinction. Ask Andrea how we know...

Know that the week you get the puppy, the partner not responsible for the puppy will have an illness that makes them snore that sounds the best components of Darth Vader and a Kazoo. You will not sleep a wink.

Chew toys and kid proofing the house are essential.

Don't buy cheap dog toys for big dogs unless you enjoy finding decapitated toys all over for years.

Make sure the expensive toy doesn't squeak, or it will be the only thing that keeps him happy in the kennel...